Goozy

-The other day, I saw a commercial for a special on popcorn shrimp at Red Lobster. And at the very end of the ad, in tiny type at the bottom of the screen, were the words "Prices higher in Honolulu and Times Square." I found it both amusing and telling that the only two places in the country that couldn't comply were a remote island in the Pacific Ocean...and the heart of Manhattan. But that's New York City for you - a riddle wrapped in mystery inside an enigma, then fried with batter and served with a tangy dipping sauce.

-People like to argue and talk shit in New York about why their neighborhood is better and yours sucks. I find this to be an exercise in futility. Honestly, the way some folks go on and on, just being born in this town doesn't even earn you street cred anymore - you have to be spawned from the seed of a hippie and a beatnik and emerge immaculately from a manhole in the Lower East Side. Who the hell cares which neighborhood is "better?" I pay thousands of dollars a month for an apartment where I can see the refrigerator from my bed. We're all in this together.

-NYC really is an enigma. I mean, what other city has one Red Lobster, one 7-Eleven, one Hooters, and 45,000 dry cleaners? When New York was in the running for the 2012 Olympics, the chief concern was that the city couldn't handle the influx of people. But at least everyone would have a pressed shirt. Is it possible to love a city unconditionally? It just might be.

-And, finally, the biggest drawback to living in Manhattan is that the city that never sleeps is also the city that's never cheap. Just sitting down in any lounge in town will easily set you back about 300 bucks, because sitting down requires buying a bottle of liquor. That's right, real estate is so hot here, even your ass pays a premium. I was at this hotel bar in the Meatpacking District recently and beers were like $14. And everyone was just lapping it up. Though only slightly tipsy, I was forced to bail after dropping about half my 401(k). But I did learn a valuable lesson: You can't reach the tipping point in New York without getting taken to the cleaners - which is why there's so many of them.